Over the past seven weeks my husband, Kim, has been sweet enough to take on grocery shopping, limiting my exposure to Covid-19. He goes suited up for war against an invisible foe, with gloves and mask securely in place. I give him a very specific list, and then when he gets inside the store some caveman survival gene takes over. He comes home with more bags than required for the number of things he was sent to get. He means well, but our checkbook can’t take much more of his well intentioned chivalry.
It’s time I take over. Though I really dislike grocery shopping, after seven weeks of isolation, a trip to the store is rather exciting, but shopping now takes preparation. No longer is it enough to write up a list and jump in the car. Not in these times of global pandemic. No, you need a strategy. I gather my mask, latex gloves, and shopping list, but that is not sufficient! Think it through! I place my debit card in the outside pocket of my purse, so I don’t have to touch my wallet or any other contents with contaminated gloves at checkout. My sunglasses, which I usually hang around my neck, go inside my purse. I can’t risk them being exposed and then walk outside and place them over my eyes! That would be irresponsible. Borderline stupid! Having mentally walked through the entire process of shopping from start to finish, covering every base, I am now ready!
I am both nervous and excited! My heart is pounding, and I feel a bit like I’m going into battle! Mask up, gloves on. Let’s do this! Once inside I settle down. It’s just shopping, and about 80% of the people inside are dressed exactly as I am. It makes me feel good knowing that people are trying their best. I check my list, and begin going about my business when I catch a glimpse of big stickers on the floor. Some are red, some green, and some blue. What is this? They’re directional markers! Uh oh! How many aisles have I just gone down the wrong way?
We’re not accustomed to shopping while looking down. We look up at signs indicating the aisle that has what we’re looking for, or straight ahead at products, but now I have to look down to make sure I’m not venturing into an aisle that says, “Do Not Enter” in red, but instead follow the green signs that read, “Walk this way”. Blue signs are reserved for the main aisles alerting people to stay six feet apart.
I had chosen a big box store for my excursion today. Why???? These stores already require a lot of walking. Add a number of one-way “roads” to the mix, and I’m sure I logged a couple of extra miles going down an aisle in which I needed nothing, in order to go up the one I desired in the proper direction. I was making a series of loops and circles just to get where I was going. Once I accidentally passed what I was looking for, but instead of going around the proverbial “block” again, I looked behind me and just backed up! I didn’t want to turn around, for fear of being chastised for going the wrong way. I figured as long as my cart was pointed in the right direction, I was still legal.
Of course, there were a number of people absently going the wrong way down an aisle. Nobody said anything to them, but you could see the judgment behind the masks. We assumed these were the same people that while driving turn right from the left lane, or stop in the middle of an intersection. They are probably not malicious, or absent minded violators, but simply haven’t adapted to these new guidelines, and the complicated stunt work of walking while looking up, straight ahead, and down at the floor. Nevertheless, they are getting the stink eye! Pretty hypocritical coming from me, considering I ambled down at least three aisles the wrong direction before I even saw the new rules!
I pay, leave the store through the “correct” door, and upon arriving at my car realize I had failed to think through the best way to load my groceries. Do I take my gloves off first, or put the groceries in the back and then remove my gloves? Hmmm? I didn’t prep for this part before I left the house! I thought I had been so clever. Weighing the options quickly, I choose to remove my gloves, open the car with clean hands, place the bags inside, and then use hand sanitizer. It’s tricky these days. You need a risk assessment, graphs, and a spreadsheet for a simple trip to the grocery store! Did I say “simple”?
It’s hard to say how long these new one-way shopping aisles will be with us, but I for one hope not too long. There is way too much thinking involved. I’m bound to drop a ball or two in that juggling act. However, with all the added walking and the mental gymnastics, shopping now qualifies as a “workout” routine, right?