House of Horror

“What was that?” “What?” Have you ever tried to wake up your husband because you heard something in the night? How can anyone sleep so deeply!? Is it any wonder that women are mothers, because there is not a man on the planet that is going to hear a baby crying in the middle of the night! But, I didn’t hear a baby crying. I did hear the patter of little feet, but they weren’t from a toddler. It was a scampering and it was coming from underneath the house! Not good. Please let it be bunnies. There are a lot of bunnies in our neighborhood, so it could be bunnies. It could also be rats! “Oh please, not rats!”

The following night the wind was howling. I crawled out of bed making sure everything was secure, when I heard the sound of running on the roof above the kitchen! Oh no!!!! You don’t find bunnies on the roof! It had to be rats!

Kim came home with a trap. Have you ever seen a rat trap? They’re huge! Three times the size of a mousetrap and with enough spring power to break a finger! I really had no desire to see a rodent that big! I have never seen a rat at this house, so I was holding out hope that perhaps now it was squirrels. After several near misses with his own fingers, Kim finally got the trap set and placed. You might ask, “Why one trap?” I wondered that myself. I think Kim was trying to convince himself that it was something other than rats, because we all know there is no such thing as one rat!

Another sleepless night, while something was making hideous sounds under the floorboards that went on for hours! Kim checked the trap in the morning. It had been sprung, but no quarry. “Okay, we know you’re there. It’s game on!” Kim stopped on his way home for more traps. This time three. What is that? A magic number?

While he was doing that, I was having a chat with our cat. Yes, we have a cat! You might ask what she has been doing about all this midnight cavorting around? I wondered the same thing. She is 18 years old and clearly retired. I’m up with a flashlight and she is curled up in her bed in the corner, as if to say, “Take care of that.” However, yesterday she was meowing more than usual. Obviously upset, I followed her. She led me to droppings! Oh no! The perimeter had been breached! “When did those get there?” I hadn’t seen a rat in the house, but those were definitely rat droppings! No, no, no, no, no!!!!

There are a lot of critters that I don’t get along with such as skunks, snakes, alligators, rats, mice…I’m sure there are others, but as long as they stay in their environment and out of mine, we’re good. Breach the boundaries of my home and they better be paying rent!

This time Kim’s trap hit its mark! It was big and gross! That long tail just makes it all the more disgusting!  Yuck, yuck, yuck! The idea of running into that in the middle of the night creeps me out, so a simple trip to the bathroom means all lights must be turned on! And yet the scampering, the scritching, the scratching, the banging continued underneath the floor. There were more! Of course there were more!

2:00 became 3:00, which became 4:00, and then became 5:00. There would be no sleep. Kim got up and checked the other two traps. They had both been sprung, but were empty. That’s it! A snake or two would be welcome at this juncture, but that might be inviting creepy of a different kind. We need arsenal! Traps, lots of them! Lock and load baby, this is war!!!