Get It Out!

A few nights ago, after quietly reading in bed, I reached to turn off the light and proceeded to adjust my pillow and myself to a comfortable position for a good night’s sleep. The ceiling fan was moving the air enough to provide a nice, cool breeze, and caused a few strands of my hair to wisp back & forth over my ear and face. I brushed it back out of my face when either I sensed or felt something weird. I’m not sure which.

Yep, something had just fallen or flew into my ear!!!! Doesn’t matter which. The particulars don’t matter. Get it out!!! Now would be good! In fact two seconds ago would have been even better!!! My husband, Kim, reached for the light to take a closer look. “What is taking so long? Do something!” He responded with, “I don’t see anything.” “You don’t see anything?! How can you not see it! It’s the size of a bumblebee!” It wasn’t like he was being casual about it. His voice had the sound of concern in it, but I wasn’t sensing the urgency that I felt! Okay, he can’t see anything, so maybe I was overreacting. Maybe I only thought something flew into my ear. Maybe it had simply been a wisp of hair that I had felt.

Kim shut the light off preparing to go back to sleep. Uneasy, I decided to do the same. Nope! Nope! Nope! Something is definitely crawling around in there! I can feel it! It’s the size of a tarantula! “Do not dare tell me you can’t see it!! It’s enormous! Could even be a lizard or gecko, but I know you can see it!!! Now get it out!” He reached for the light again and asked, “What do you want me to do?” Seriously? Am I not making myself clear! “Remove the giant mutant creature from my ear! Are you good with those directions?!” I realize that’s a little snarky, but from my position of having some half insect, half spider making himself at home in my ear I think I’ve earned a little snarky!

He suggested pouring rubbing alcohol in my ear, but somewhere I read that if you do that it will just result in drowning the critter, only to have it taking a permanent nap in your ear. No! let’s not do that! I turned my head over in hopes that gravity would lend a hand…and it did. I could feel it as it lost its grip, and slipped out of my violated ear canal. Lifting my head I looked at my pillow, searching for this colossal creature. There it was…a tiny little no-see-um gnat. I smushed him under my thumb! Don’t judge me! You weren’t there.