It’s Raw! It’s Alive! It’s Yummy!

I have a few family members, and even fewer friends, who try to twist my arm, cajole, or shame me into eating sushi. Not happening! I consider sushi to be a food fad, popular amongst hipsters, and people who like to think they are “cool” for eating raw fish! They eat it like it’s a badge of honor and you’re just not one of the popular kids if you don’t tag along and join in. You know who eats raw fish? Other fish, bears, and eagles. There are more, but the point is, I’m not mentioned here. You know why I don’t eat raw fish? I have fire! Fire allows me to enjoy my fish grilled, fried, baked, smoked, even blackened.

I suggest that people who eat their fish raw are just being lazy! What, you don’t have 10 minutes to fire up the grill, or turn on the stove? “Nope, just pull that yellowfin out of the fridge and drop it on my plate. I’ll eat it raw. I’m just not in the mood to cook.”

I am really perplexed that they will happily pay a chef $15 for slapping a small piece of raw fish on their plate, adding a lime wedge and piece of parsley! Why? He didn’t do anything! There was no careful watching of the flame, no perfect timing in preparation, no marinating, no roasting, no nothing! But, hey, you’re cool! That’s what it’s about, right? It’s gotta be. I don’t like to cook either, but that is carrying things too far!

Most people feel that sushi puts them near enough to the top of the “coolness” pyramid that they can stop there with the raw meat, but a few continue on with the steak tartare. The ones who really want to separate themselves from the pack are those that eat oysters on the half shell. That’s a full-out 10+ on “yuck factor”. Oh, it sounds glamorous, but it’s not. Raw, slimy oysters. Not only is this “delicacy” uncooked, it’s also alive, though I’d imagine not for long, once they’ve been cut from the shell! What are we, barbarians?! Good grief! Some people have been watching too much “Walking Dead”. You’re also suppose to take great care not to lose the sea water that’s in the shell. Really? Just so we’re clear, I don’t think you’re suppose to drink sea water. I love oysters…smoked, served in olive oil, vinegar, and topped with sea salt. You see the difference here?

Don’t even get me started on caviar! Who looked at that and said, “Let’s eat that?” Someone starving, that’s who!  That’s bait! You call it caviar and it costs up to $100 an ounce!!! I’m not kidding! Check out the fishing tackle aisle at Bass Pro. You can pick it up for a fraction. Same stuff, I’m sure of it!

Call me low brow, but I like my food cooked. This is the 21st century! I’m pretty sure we have all sorts of methods at our disposal to prepare food with heat! If you’re too busy to cook your meat before you consume it, I’m going to suggest you need to re-evaluate your schedule and your priorities. Slow down a little, have a glass of wine, enjoy good conversation while you chill out, and learn to grill for heaven’s sake!